The Un-Perfect Mother

These past few weeks I have really been diving into what kind of mother God wants me to be, who I want to be as a parent, and who my children NEED me to be as a mommy. With the dawn of Pinterest, Facebook, and more... it's hard to not sit and compare yourself to other moms out in the world. I'm never going to be the mom who has a perfect well-kept house, or has dinner fixed from scratch every night, or makes all these cool and amazing homemade clothing and toys. I'm not going to be the mother who never raises her voice or makes mistakes when it comes to discipline, and I can guarantee I will never be the mother who is showered, dressed, and has her hair fixed every day.

What I can promise.... is that my children are loved. They will never question whether or not I love them, ever. I can promise that they will have grand adventures, even if those adventures are only in our backyard. They will be allowed to make messes, get their hands dirty, splash water, run through the yard in their bare feet... they will be allowed to be just what they are. Children.

I have to talk myself down from a cliff everyday. I won't lie... I am a perfectionist, a perfectionist with a little OCD. Not a good combination in my opinion. I WANT my house to be perfect. I WANT my children to be clean and dressed ALL the time. I want control. I want things to go MY way. But that's just NOT how life goes. My laundry totes may always be full of dirty laundry, my sink may always have dirty dishes in it... there may be dust on every surface (even though I do dust daily!). I am not perfect. It's OK to have toys scattered, it's OK to play in the mud. It's OK to dump all the pillows and blankets in the floor and have a slumber party. Why? Because my kids are having fun... and I want to live in those moments and not be held down by cleaning and organizing and perfectionism.

I am an un-perfect mother. But for my children, for what they need and desire, for when they want to play and cuddle and go a little crazy... I can be that mommy. When my daughter wants to play tea party, we'll have a tea party. When my daughter wants to sit and snuggle, then we'll snuggle. When my son wants to nurse for hours on end... I will sit and nurse him to his heart's content. These precious babies of mine... they won't be babies forever, and I am determined to look past my messy house and my piles of laundry and savor these moments with them. Someday Boogie will no longer want to climb into my lap and put her hands on my cheeks and tell me she loves me. She will no longer ask to be princesses and ballerinas. Someday she won't be willing to hug my neck and dance with me. Someday Bubby will no longer desire mommy milk or to nap in my arms. Someday he won't need me like he needs me now. So today... my house is a mess, the laundry is piling up, and I admit it's driving me bananas.... but I'm going to look past it and do what I do best. Love my children.

Summer Blog Challenge, Day 25

Day 25: Ideal Day of "Me Time"

I honestly wouldn't want a WHOLE day of "me time". I enjoy spending time with Boogie and I will thoroughly enjoy some newborn baby cuddles in November! But, if I got a couple of hours to myself it would involve a hot hot hot bubble bath (which also isn't happening until after November), some scented candles, an iced coffee, and a good book. After that I would I get dressed, cuddle up under a warm blanket on the couch and watch a good movie.... then I would be bombarded by hugs and kisses from my Boogie!!! Sounds like a plan to me!

Rough Week

I really haven't had a great week. One thing I hate about being pregnant is how emotional it makes me, all my feelings and emotions become overpowering sometimes and this week has been the worst week I've had in quite a while. Boogie is very much like me, she is stubborn, headstrong, and all of that on top of being a toddler who struggles to communicate what she wants (despite having a huge vocabulary) equals a little girl who is absolutely miserable most days. She fights me to take naps (and while some have given me the advice to NOT fight her on this, I have to disagree... if I don't fight her she doesn't sleep, if she doesn't sleep she is grumpy all day, this in turn ends in a frustrating fight to get her to sleep at night. If I don't fight her to sleep at night she stays up ALL night, NO joke.), she is at an age where she is trying to hold her own and test me... slowly she is learning that when mommy says "NO." it means no, but it's a struggle. Time-outs are a frequent commodity in our household... but I'm determined that spanking is not going to happen in our family and that peaceful parenting is the way to go. What scares me is how violent she is with herself when she gets frustrated. She bangs her head against walls and on the floor, she scratches, smacks, and pinches herself... all in frustration. I have been good about remaining calm, comforting her and talking to her... but it's hard.

Beyond that however, Boogie is a good girl... really. She's so smart, she learns so much just in one day and is just getting to be such a big girl. But as much as I love her, I will say that even though I enjoy being with her and having her company all the time... I need more adult interaction. We are a one car family right now, it's not really a choice, it's just the way it has to be right now. On top of that in an apartment in another building beside us a new family moved in with a pit bull. Now, before I go on... I don't believe all pit bull's are bad or mean or dangerous. This dog however has been let outside without a restraint multiple times and has attacked people and a CHILD in our neighborhood and NOBODY has called the cops on them. I have called but according to them, unless I witness an incident first hand then there's nothing I can do. So, therefore I am terrified to take my child on a walk, take her outside to play, or even just a walk down to our mailbox to check the mail. Combine that with Justin taking the car to work (because he gets up VERY early) and you have a mommy and daughter who are stuck in an apartment and MISERABLE. It's taking a toll on me, and it's obviously taking a toll on my little girl. I don't know what to do anymore... we're just stuck. I'm hoping and praying that when our lease is up in March (which is TOO long from now) that we will be able to find a house with 3 bedrooms to rent... I need a yard for Boogie to run in and an oasis that I feel free to walk outside in. I'm over all this... I'm SO ready to have this baby, get through the holidays and be done with this neighborhood and done with  being stuck in the apartment ALL the time.

Please pray for me and please pray for my daughter... I hope that she can start communicating a little better and get rid of some of the frustrations she feels.

Summer Blog Challenge, Day 13

Day 13: How You See Yourself by the End of the Year

Our whole family dynamics will be different by the end of this year. I will be a mother of two little ones (I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around that one) who will be 1 month and 2 years old. I will have been married for 5 years and that is INSANE! I see myself graduated from the community college with my Associate in Arts, nursing nursing nursing 24/7, chasing a rambunctious toddler, starting tot school with my girl, and hopefully planning on a big move for the Spring. Lots of big things happening this year...