:(

UGHGHGHGHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHL tHE END.

Baby Massey

I am going by the health department's EDD (estimated due date) for Baby Massey, so as of tomorrow I will be 7 weeks! I'm still nauseus now and then, but it's worse in the shower. Not because I'm taking hot, or even super warm showers... it's like a combination of the water beating down on me, the sudden temp change, and etc. Ugh! So I'm a bath taker until the "morning" sickness wears off lol! I really only have 2 other symptoms, tender breasts and EXHAUSTION. I took a THREE hour nap today! I'm so glad I set my alarm, otherwise I would have missed my final exam for math! LOL. Anyways... I go for my first prenatal appointment on the 27th, and I'm super excited and super nervous! We'll see how it goes, lol.

Justin and I have our "tentative" baby names, but you never know... they might change. Right now we really like Cooper Frank for a boy. Frank was my paternal grandfather, I absolutely adored him. Isla (pronounced Eee-luh) Lilyann for a girl. Lily is after Lillian, my paternal grandmother who just recently passed away, and Ann after Justin's maternal grandmother... who is a FIRECRACKER!

More later... now it's time for BED!

Sleeeeep

I am so tired. So very incredibly tired. I fell asleep at 10:30ish pm. I woke up at 12:30am.... because my stomach was growling. Really? Couldn't wait until the morning? So I go make a snack. Sliced cheddar and apple sauce. I shovel the applesauce in.... and take one bite of the cheese and ew. Luckily I didn't puke, but apparenlty I have a new aversion to cheddar :-\ Gross.

:-D

Guess since I've posted it everywhere else.....


If you look to the right side panel and scroll down a bit you will find a ticker.... because.....

I'M PREGNANT!!!!! WOOHOO!

WOW!

The past couple of weeks have been insane. Turns out I couldn't transfer to WCU until Spring 2011 and the classes I need to get my AA at AB Tech are not offered online in the Fall, so we ended up just finding a new apartment in our hometown. Most likely I will end up getting a dorm room or hopefully a married dorm room and stay at WCU during the week and come home on wknds when I start next spring. After that, it's up to Justin, and I have a feeling I will be going back and forth until I graduate. Anyways... I only have 2 weeks left in school this semester and it's definately crunch time. I'm super stressed! Then I have a 2 week break before summer classes AND my summer job starts.... agh!!!

The Ups and Downs of My Life

These past few weeks have just been up and down and up and down and up and down... this continuous pattern that is really stressing me out. The worst part however is that my wonderful, compassionate, LOVING husband (I have to remind myself of that) doesn't see how stressed I am. I do everything in my power to try and ease his stress, I bend over backwards to comfort him and allow him breathing time to relax. But when I'm stressed... where is he? Its bad enough that my family isn't in my life right now. It's bad enough that I'm having to plan the next big move in our lives because he can't handle it. Why is it so hard to see how stressed I am, and how scared I, like himself, am of this life changing decision and move. I really struggle with the knowledge that not only have my emotions been pushed aside by other people in my life, but now they're being pushed aside by my husband. I matter. I matter. I matter. I really do matter.

New Changes in Store?

Ok yes... I've been down in the dumps lately. I'm still a little bit sad/frustrated at the moment, but I did a little bit of worshiping today and that perked me up a bit ;-)

Anywho, for the 20 bazillionth time I attempted to plan my school schedule for the next few semesters... and discovered something brilliant! If I take extra classes this summer I could possibly transfer next Spring instead of next Fall... and graduate a semester early. Um.... yes please? And at hearing "transfer a semester early" Justin said.... REALLY??? So he's excited... to say the least. Now, the only thing I'm worried about is if I do transfer is finding an apartment/house to rent in the middle of a school year in a COLLEGE town. Yea. So what may happen is I may have to look into taking online classes through Western, or possibly taking some extra classes that would hopefully transfer at AB Tech. Ugh! Decisions, decisions.. luckily I am taking a mini roadtrip to this wonderful new school I have fallen in love with the one and only mother of the Flint Monsters :) who is an alumni! So I'll have a better idea of what to do after that.

I finally got caught up on assignments... two spontaneous trips the last two weekends have thrown me for a loop... luckily everything got turned in on time! LOL! Tomorrow I'm hoping to visit with an old friend and possibly enjoy some sunshine with the Flints.... or if they can't come with my homework (yay?)...

Instead of a bible verse today, I wanted to share this with you...

Praying for Guidance

I asked God to show me a song to describe my feelings right now.... and He showed me this...

Nervous in the Light of Dawn

Leigh Nash

Dreamed I was in a desert without any luck

Stormy gray clouds, hovering above

Silence all around me, I was wandering alone

And I realized there is nothing anyone can really own

And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace

I could see the lightning somewhere in the east

And I wish for affection, and I wished for calm

As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn

As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn

It's hard to change and it's hard to lose

It takes years for us to be made smooth

You can use up our love, yea, precious energy

To be tossed like a shell from the hungry sea

And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace

I could see the lightning somewhere in the east

And I wish for affection, and I wished for calm

As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn

As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn

Hold me in your arms until I fall asleep

I'm so tired, hold me

And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace

I could see the lightning somewhere in the east

And I wish for affection, and I wished for calm

As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn

As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn

Struggling

I'm struggling tonight... to be content, thankful, calm, but most of all... I'm struggling to find understanding. I feel a little lost. I feel a lot lost actually. I feel alone, even though I know my Father is just a breathe away... I feel deserted by family and even a few friends. I feel forgotten. I feel abused. I feel... taken advantage of. I feel pushed aside... I can't even describe to you all the feelings I'm feeling... it's devastating and exhausting. I'm really just at a loss. What now Lord? What's next?

Good Friday

What a beautiful day. Absolutely gorgeous... and I am blessed to be a child of God on this day!