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2.16.2009

Free to be Me

Usually, music is what inspires me and music is how God speaks to me. Well, today is no exception. Last night I heard this song, 'Free to be Me' by Francesca Battistelli and the words are perfect, they totally describe my life. But isn't that usually how it goes? LOL! Here are the lyrics:

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see
Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt
(Repeat Chorus)
And you're free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek A
nd it’s easy to believe
Even though
(Repeat Chorus)
That's my life right now. I'm twenty years old, I'm not perfect, I'm still looking for who I am and who I want to be.... but I know that through Him.... I'm free to be me. I'm definately not someone who tries to fit in or goes along with the crowd. I've always been the type to rebel when it came to choices that my friends made. I'm not as rebellious when it comes to my clothes anymore.... thank goodness! I make choices for me now, and I've stopped caring whether or not someone thinks I'm cool or if they think I'm wierd. I am who I am, I stutter and stumble over my words sometimes, I play guitar and sing... even though sometimes I think I'm pretty horrible at it. I like to sew and knit, I even like to play video games on my husbands xbox and on my ds. I am just me. I might not be what anyone else thinks I should be.... but through God's amazing love and grace... I am FREE TO BE ME.

2.06.2009

My Desire

We are struggling. I am struggling. With bills, with not being able to find a job, with no privacy, with no home. With letting God take control. I am scared we've dug ourselves this huge hole and can't find our way out. Every time we turn around something new pops up. A new bill, a new problem. I know my Lord can bring me through anything... so why is it so hard to let go and let HIM? I can't take this anymore! I need to find peace.

So I got into the car this morning and this song came on. One of my favorites.... but you know how you listen to music all the time and sometimes just don't "hear" the lyrics. Well I HEARD them this morning.

My Desire
Jeremy Camp
You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king
You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You
You want to be real, you want to be empty inside
And I know my heart is to feel
You near
And I know my life
It's to do Your will
It's to do Your will
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You
All my life I have seen
Where You've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped
And there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do to repay all You've done
So I give my hands to use
This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
Oo yea
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You
I WANT to lay down my pride and lay it down before HIM.