What a Beautiful Mess

Instead of trying to rewrite this... I thought I would just share what I posted on my personal Facebook page last night....

"I had an epiphany today.... My life is a beautiful mess. A messy, imperfect, completely disorganized, BUT absolutely beautiful mess. I am always so concerned about keeping things clean, keeping things organized and allowing my OCD to take over when the kids get dirty or make messes... But I pushed all that aside today, ignored the mound of laundry in my bathroom, the stacks of dishes in the sink, and I enjoyed my family. My beautiful, messy family."


Seriously. Do you know how hard it is for me to just sit down and play in the floor with my kids when there is laundry piling up in my bathroom, the kids' playroom is an absolute disaster area, and I've got a list a mile long to accomplish? It physically makes me nauseous just thinking about it. I'm pushing myself to an uncomfortable level, I'm allowing the dust to settle and I'm not allowing myself to obsess over the little details. This time in my life, when my babies are just that..... babies, I have to enjoy this time, I have to savor the sweet hugs, the slobbery kisses, the mismatched tea parties, the crazy dress up clothes, and whatever else my children happen to love that day. I have to be in the moment, savor every last moment of babyhood, toddlerhood and childhood my little ones have.

That's my short post for the day, I'm really trying to make more time to sit down and work on my blog whenever I can, but it just isn't happening here lately! Please pray for my sweet hubby, he's had a weekend full of phone calls and text messages from work, so although he's been off he's feeling like he's been working on his two days off. God Bless!

And.... Did I mention that my sweet boy turned 8 months old?!?!?!

The Un-Perfect Mother

These past few weeks I have really been diving into what kind of mother God wants me to be, who I want to be as a parent, and who my children NEED me to be as a mommy. With the dawn of Pinterest, Facebook, and more... it's hard to not sit and compare yourself to other moms out in the world. I'm never going to be the mom who has a perfect well-kept house, or has dinner fixed from scratch every night, or makes all these cool and amazing homemade clothing and toys. I'm not going to be the mother who never raises her voice or makes mistakes when it comes to discipline, and I can guarantee I will never be the mother who is showered, dressed, and has her hair fixed every day.

What I can promise.... is that my children are loved. They will never question whether or not I love them, ever. I can promise that they will have grand adventures, even if those adventures are only in our backyard. They will be allowed to make messes, get their hands dirty, splash water, run through the yard in their bare feet... they will be allowed to be just what they are. Children.

I have to talk myself down from a cliff everyday. I won't lie... I am a perfectionist, a perfectionist with a little OCD. Not a good combination in my opinion. I WANT my house to be perfect. I WANT my children to be clean and dressed ALL the time. I want control. I want things to go MY way. But that's just NOT how life goes. My laundry totes may always be full of dirty laundry, my sink may always have dirty dishes in it... there may be dust on every surface (even though I do dust daily!). I am not perfect. It's OK to have toys scattered, it's OK to play in the mud. It's OK to dump all the pillows and blankets in the floor and have a slumber party. Why? Because my kids are having fun... and I want to live in those moments and not be held down by cleaning and organizing and perfectionism.

I am an un-perfect mother. But for my children, for what they need and desire, for when they want to play and cuddle and go a little crazy... I can be that mommy. When my daughter wants to play tea party, we'll have a tea party. When my daughter wants to sit and snuggle, then we'll snuggle. When my son wants to nurse for hours on end... I will sit and nurse him to his heart's content. These precious babies of mine... they won't be babies forever, and I am determined to look past my messy house and my piles of laundry and savor these moments with them. Someday Boogie will no longer want to climb into my lap and put her hands on my cheeks and tell me she loves me. She will no longer ask to be princesses and ballerinas. Someday she won't be willing to hug my neck and dance with me. Someday Bubby will no longer desire mommy milk or to nap in my arms. Someday he won't need me like he needs me now. So today... my house is a mess, the laundry is piling up, and I admit it's driving me bananas.... but I'm going to look past it and do what I do best. Love my children.

Another Long Overdue Update!

We finally have our new computer and printer set up... thank goodness! I've been waiting and waiting to get some file folder games and such printed for Tot School! I've found so many wonderful goodies for Boogie, and I'm sure the sweet girl I will be babysitting starting in August (we'll call her Miss V) will enjoy them as well!

It's been a great month for our family, Bubby turned 7 months (and we are creeping up to month 8!), he now has 5 teeth cut through with 3 more trying to break through (that's loads of fun...), and he is figuring out how to get around without crawling! Boogie is her normal, ornery self of course, we took her to a Radio Disney event, it wasn't what we expected but she had fun nonetheless! We even took the kids on a little trip to Gatlinburg, it was Bubby's first vacation and trip to the aquarium! And.... J bought his first motorcycle! I may actually have my car to myself again! YAY!

As for me, I am slowly updating my wardrobe... which is AWESOME. I haven't bought myself new (or new to me) clothes in a long time.... and maternity clothes DO NOT count lol! I bought one new outfit from Old Navy, and the price KILLED me, so the rest have come from consignment stores (both online and in person!) I ordered several things from Thredup.com, they have children's, junior's, women's and plus size women's clothing for GREAT prices! (If you use that link above, you will receive $10 credit on your first order!) I have also signed up to be an Origami Owl consultant, I will post more about that in a separate post later... but let's just say that this company is AWESOME and it was started by a 14 year old young lady!

Now... how about a picture update?

This is J's Nanny, she has been in and out of the hospital. She is doing much better now, but please keep praying for her!

Our big guy is eating so well! He's had lots of different vegetables, fruits, and even some meats! Yay Baby Led Weaning!

My Bubby and I at the fireworks!

He was super excited.... can't you tell?

Boogie really enjoyed playing before the fireworks.... however we ended up leaving shortly after they started because they scared her :(

8 months old!

My failed attempt at a sibling photo.... this was the BEST out of the bunch lol

We got all of Nanny's grandkids who have children together and took a big photo of all of them, along with individual pics of the grandkids with their babies... I am not going to post the other family members out of respect for them and their privacy ;-)

Took a trip to the aquarium....

Bubby stayed asleep through most of it!

Excuse my red complexion... it was HOT.

Boogie dressed up as Sofia the First for a Radio Disney Jr Event!

We had a tea party :)

J's new toy!

So... Bubby is in this picture too... Breastfeed without Fear ladies! 

She thoroughly enjoyed our tea party :)

Origami Owl Takeout Menu - I'm so excited to tell you more!

He's a little excited...

Pressing Onward...

Not going to lie... today flat out stunk. You've gotta love the "terrible two's". Oy! Dear, sweet, adorable Boogie is testing the limits and testing my patience. She has perfected pushing mommy's buttons. I'm trying so so so very hard to stay patient with her, I'm constantly reminding myself that she IS two and she IS acting her age. But good grief! Today was just not a good day. Boogie was just into everything, being naughty (and she knew it... she'd get caught, scream like a banchee, and run away and hide... little booger), being mean to her brother... it just never ended! Bubby was a crying mess, he's GOT to be going through a growth spurt, he was constantly attached to my boob (sorry to be blunt, but seriously... he was) and either sleeping for long spurts or screaming and crying for long spurts. And THEN I about burnt the house down. Yea, not my best cooking moment. I was boiling chicken, yes, boiling chicken. Forgot about said boiling chicken during one of Bubby's long, very very long, nursing sessions until I heard sizzling. So I thought to myself... "What's cooking? I don't remember cooking anything.... AHHH! The chicken!" So I run, with Bubby attached to my boob, unlatch him as quickly and as nicely as I can while he then proceeds to scream his poor little head off, I put him in the swing super fast, grab a glass, fill with water and dump on the chicken because my chicken had boiled so long that the water had evaporated and the chicken was on FIRE. Again, not my best moment. So... needless to say, my brilliant plan for yummy barbeque chicken pizza was a no go. I had no time to make my dough because instead I was opening windows, turning on fans, and wafting the smelly smoke outside. Luckily I was able to salvage enough of the chicken to make quesadillas.

Thankfully the last two hours of my day before J got home were a lot less eventful. I decided to give up on getting Boogie to sit still long enough for tot school and we all cuddled up on my bed, turned on Tinker Bell and relaxed.

In other news... I still haven't posted a real update on Boogie for her 2nd birthday, her 2 year appointment is on the 29th (I think). She's a month late, but we wanted to schedule her appointment on the same day as Bubby's 2 month appointment to save on gas. We just don't go to town as often with the van because gas is freaking expensive! So yea... be on the look out for that as well as a 2 month update on Bubby. Speaking of Bubby, he turned 6 weeks old on Monday. I cannot believe how fast this is going by, I though it was fast with Boogie, but this is just insane!

Anyways, thought you all would enjoy my debacle for the day. Now that my day is done and over with I can look back and laugh, but I can assure you that I was NOT laughing a few hours ago! ;-)

Consider It Pure Joy...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4


God must have known I would need this verse today... I've started receiving daily devotionals via email from Proverbs 31 Ministries . I discovered their wallpapers and found one that I really loved and put it on my laptop, and it happened to have that verse on it. Ok, God! There's a lot going on in our life as a family right now, mainly concerning J's career and position he is in now. It's hard to consider what we're facing pure joy, but as He is making it clear... I should, because through this trial we will come out more mature and complete! 

Beyond the trials of J's employment I must say that life is grand! I am cherishing these sweet newborn moments with Bubby, he's growing so fast and if I blink too long he'll be grown before I know it. It's amazing how already my relationship with my daughter and my son are so different. I love them equally and wholeheartedly, but there's something special about a mother/daughter and a mother/son relationship. Boogie and I have had two years of bonding, she is my sunshine, she is the light of my life. I adore her sweet little voice, her happy giggles when J comes home from work, and although I'm not sure how to handle it, I love that she is a full-fledged girly girl. Bubby is still developing his personality, but he is an absolute delight. He is starting to focus on my face when I talk to him and he just coo's and ah's at me. I love it! I don't get to cuddle him nearly as much as I got to cuddle Boogie in the beginning, but those sweet moments when I do... oh he just melts my heart. So... no matter what we face, these two little ones are absolute blessings. 

I've been baking cupcakes for two of the youngest Flint Monsters (they turn THREE tomorrow!) and while they were baking Bubby was a little fussy, so I picked him held him close and I sang to him and danced to the music we had playing in the kitchen. And as I was dancing with him I thought about how in no time I would be doing this again with him on his wedding day... I know that is a long time from now, but at the same time it's going to be here within a blink of an eye. 

The point of my rambling? I'm going to find joy where there seems to be none... I'm going to cherish these moments despite the stress of life outside our family bubble. God is with me through it all, no matter how rough things seem!

Facebook

I am seriously considering deleting my facebook (both blog page and personal page) and being done with it. Just recently the creator of Birth Without Fear decided to forego using facebook to promote her page and she even decided to step away from her personal page as well. I've been inspired by her choices and by how much more she's been able to blog lately about birth in every form and by how much it's changed her day to day life with her children and her family. My only hesitations are that by doing so I would also forego some close relationships I have with two groups of women I met via Babycenter, the only contact we have is via facebook. Perhaps I could delete everything as far as my personal info and other friends and just have it for contact with those groups... I don't know. I just know that something has to change. My main purpose for this blog is to have a place to write about our family's life experiences, milestones, and events so that someday I can print all of this out and make a book for my children. I do sometimes do reviews and giveaways, but that's not my top priority. I've been slacking a lot lately writing about my children and the in's and out's of our lives right now and I'd like to fix that. I don't know... I'm realizing a lot today with the birth of Asher looming over my head (that's the worst part about giving birth.... the unknown!) and that I'm on facebook entirely too much. I want to treasure every moment I have with my children. Life is short.

Just A Random Update...

I promise to be a better blogger once I get these last few weeks of school done. I'm SO close to finishing up my BIO classes (aside from scheduling my finals), but it's taking up a lot of my time! I'm sitting at the table with Boogie while she eats her new favorite breakfast... cheerios and milk! Yea, MILK! This child has been adamant about not drinking cow's milk, but since I've introduced her to the world of cereal and milk, she's all for it! LOL!

Anyways, I'll be 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I cannot believe it! This pregnancy has gone by SO fast I still feel like I'm grasping at the fact that we're going to be a family of four! Everything is ready for Bubby, all we have left to do is pack our bags and install his car seat. Although... I think we're going to just wait until he's here to do that, J can do it while I'm in the hospital. The way our belts and child latch system is in our van we will have to move Boogie back to the very back seat, and there's no way my big belly can squeeze back there to unbuckle her! So.... yea. Not doing that until after Bubby is born :)

We are doing our maternity photos on Monday evening, I'm so excited! We were supposed to have them done last weekend but our photographer (who is also pregnant!) got really sick and needed to rest! I think it will work out better this weekend though, the fall colors in our beautiful mountains are gorgeous right now!

Boogie is a mess this week, she has made me laugh so much this week with her crazy antics! She is newly obsessed with Cinderella... or in her words, "Cindarellwa", and I can't tell you how much I love it.... it's so much better than Minnie Mouse! LOL! We just got the movie two weekends ago and that's all she wants to watch now! She's also gotten a few books and some of these tiny princess dolls with clothing. (She's really into dressing her dolls and such, so this was a great toy!) She's getting so big, and her vocabulary continues to amaze me. She's slowly but surely learning her ABC's, numbers, and colors. Her colors need a lot more work, but we're getting there. As soon as my classes are done I plan on getting more organized and really start Tot School with her. She loves to learn and do crafts (at least some crafts) so I'm sure she'll enjoy a little more of that on our schedule!

Last weekend on J's days off we did some Halloween and fall crafts and even managed a short trip to the pumpkin patch. We painted pumpkins, made Halloween snacks (well... mommy and daddy made the snacks lol), glued fall leaves onto a paper tree, etc etc. The pumpkin patch was a bust, but at least Boogie enjoyed the animals! I will share some pictures tomorrow or Monday of that fun stuff.

Other than that everything is pretty good around here, J is working a lot of course, but he's still managed to spend time with both Boogie and myself. Bubby continues to grow and get stronger, he's measuring right on and doing well. I feel like my nose is constantly buried in the computer doing homework, I've been leaving facebook up on one of my tabs while I do hw so that I have a reprieve between assignments and can have some "social" interactions lol. I'm still very overwhelmed by everything, but it's not nearly as bad now that my LIT class is over! I'm sure I'll update with pictures soon, as well as with maternity pics sometime this week! Until then... God Bless!

Update

I've been hesitant to blog about this particular topic since I had hoped (in the back of my mind) that it was just a fluke. About a month ago Boogie turned 18 months old, at that time she had, by then, started sleeping in her toddler bed, sleeping through the night.... and the big event? She stopped asking for milk. I say milk as in breast milk. I had high hopes that despite my pregnancy that my milk supply would stay up and that she'd continue until she was at least two, but in those last few weeks of nursing she'd nurse less and less and less! So eventually my supply just completely dried up. Part of me is completely relieved that because of Boogie's big girl decision to stop nursing, Bubby will be able to nurse without having to fight his big sister for "mommy milk", lol! The other part of me is devastated that she weaned so early. YOU may not think it's early, but I do.

Despite all that, once Bubby is here and he becomes a pro at nursing and my supply is well established I will start pumping and offering it to Boogie in her cup. The benefits of breast milk are never ending so she will reap the benefits for as long as I can possibly share milk with her (and her brother). 

Other than that huge milestone, Boogie is just growing up before our eyes. In these past few months she has started talking in almost complete sentences, she never ceases to shock us... "come on, want walk!" "movie mommy? watch movie?" "outside? play outside?" "c'mon maggie, sit down!" etc etc etc.... I could make a book of the phrases she is saying now! It's incredible! She also has a new little "playground" at Mawmaw and Pawpaw's house... we were given some Little Tike's play toys from my cousin who's son has outgrown them. She has a big slide, a small jungle gym with a small slide, a sand box, and a playhouse thing (it's like a boat really). The first day she needed help on the slide and climbing.... now she can do it alllllll by herself! She has a blast!

As for Bubby, he's moving more and more although I am only able to feel him very low down. I'm getting a little frustrated with this because I feel like my placenta isn't moving up like it did with Boogie (I had an anterior placenta with her as well). I'm going to ask my midwife about it next week, I'm not WORRIED about it, just frustrated that I'm not able to feel him as often as Boogie at this stage. Other than that we are pretty much ready for him to be here. It stinks that we don't have a 3rd bedroom to decorate for him (even though either way he'd be in our room in the beginning), but we hope to change that come spring. His crib, changing table and everything are set up in our room, his newborn clothing is put away, his newborn dipes are prepped and put away... everything is ready. There are a few small things here and there we need to get, but if I was 40 weeks pregnant today and he came... I'd have no worries :)

Last, but not least.... we are officially a two-car family again! Hallelujah! We've been discussing this FOREVER. Really, since Boogie was a few months old, we just were too afraid to go to the bank and start the process (with school loans and our car payment.... we never thought they'd approve another loan, even though we can afford it!). I would prefer not to have two car payments, but in all honesty we were pretty desperate for another vehicle. With J's hours, Boogie and I were stranded at home relying on Mawmaw and Nana to pick us up or waiting on J to bring the car to us so we could make it to appointments and such. With Bubby on his way, and the thought of how cramped we would all be in our one car... we decided to jump. We found a 2004 Dodge Caravan at the dealership we purchased our Kia and everything just fell into place. I'm so thankful... so relieved... and THRILLED to have my freedom back. Our van is so roomy and so comfortable. Now we just need to install Bubby's car seat and we're set! (this pic is of the type of van we bought.... same color but this is not our van lol)