Are You Kidding Me?

What the hell? My 17 year old brother had an 11pm curfew last night, and got home at 2am. Yes, you read that right. What was his punishment? A little lecture, a little fussing and off he goes to hang out with his buddies. I am so SICK, SO sick of this crap. He could get away with murder and my mom would just laught it off. I NEVER broke my curfew, if I was running late or wanted to stay out longer I'd call, I'd ask and usually it was ok (but it was NEVER after midnight). I knew that if I broke my curfew I'd be grounded from EVERYTHING. I backtalked, yelled and was a verbal brat.... but I knew what my limit was, I knew how to push my mom just far enough over the edge. I was grounded 50% of my high school career and the worst thing I ever did was yell at my mother. Then here's my brother staying out till 2 in the morning doing God knows what. I'm trying hard not to say anything, but this is getting ridiculous. What happens when he turns 18 or even 21? Will he stay out alll night? Will he decide to go to bars? Will he be safe? Will he make SMART decisions?

My brother has a way of manipulating my mother, he puts on his smile and sweet talks her until she caves. She falls for it EVERY single time. And she doesn't see that. I can't take his stupidity and immaturity anymore!


Freak Outs & Disappointments

I've gotten really slack with this whole blogging thing lately..... oops! LOL This has been a crazy past few weeks. If you read my blogs, then you know that we've been staying at my parents until we can get things figured out. I'm looking for a FT job that can turn into a PT job when school starts (very tough) and have enrolled at AB Tech in their social services program. Basically I plan on getting that degree and then finding a job and going to Mars Hill for the Adult Access Program in Elementary Education. I'm pretty stoked about that so yay!

Anyways, these last few weeks have been rather stressful. Let me explain a little background first. Before Justin and I moved we had started trying to conceive, and once we got settled down we started trying again.... but obviously things went from great to horrible and we ended up back in NC and at our parents' houses.... so that put a damper on TTC. Well these past few weeks I REALLY thought I was pregnant. I had heartburn, sore breasts, sore throat, nausea (I even got sick a few times), wierd cramping, headaches and a CRAZY nosebleed..... I DO NOT get nosebleeds! My cycle has finally evened out and is usually a 30 day cycle, making today CD 34 and so I was 4 days late. Monday I got a negative on a test and then dear aunt flo showed her face today! I was relieved, excited and bummed all at the same time. Needless to say, right now we are not really in the position to care for a child, but I also want NOTHING more than to be a mommy! Justin was even really excited, and we had long talks about being parents and what we would do if I really was. Now that my menstrual has started, I can't believe how upset I've been today. It took everything I had to not burst into tears at Walmart today, we saw over 6 pregnant women there.... and thats hard. We had talked about a future baby so much that Cooper Liam & Olivia Grace seemed like real babies. I'm trying to accept that God just didn't think we were ready.... but it still stinks.

ps. And what makes it worse is that 3 times today I heard the following, "Why haven't you and Justin started making babies yet?" and "I bet that you are infertile since you haven't gotten pregnant after 2 years of marriage" and "You've been married 2 years and you don't have any kids?"



This week has been a very tough week for me. We've had lots of drama at work (really stupid, immature drama).... seriously there are GROWN women tattling on eachother. I'm not EVEN kidding. I also have been stuck working with a CHILD at church (she is 13) who is disrespectful and very unhelpful. But this isn't what I wanted to write about tonight. There is a certain SINGLE person I used to be friends with who seems to always be depressed and such about being single. Which is fine you know... I understand that. Well tonight she posted something that just killed me.... she said, "i pretty much dislike the majority of people who are either married, engaged, or in serious relationships. no i am not at all jealous! its just that when they decide to enter these types of relationships they also, unfortunately, often decide to become annoying idiots without minds of their own!" If you know me at all, and you know this person... then you know I can have a very short temper with her. She was my best friend when I met my husband, she was a big part of my wedding and I never deserted her. Then she started acting like this. This is a very ignorant statement... and I truly believe that it has everything to do with jealousy and making her feel better about herself. I am happily married to an amazing man and I VERY MUCH have a mind of my own. Just because I fell in love, that does not mean that I am an idiot. It just so happened that in my life, God decided that it was MY time to fall in love. There was someone else who posted a comment about her status that said, "they also forget all of their single friends". My best friend is Hannah, she is an amazing person and a more amazing friend. Hannah is also single. She's been my friend since middle school, and I have not deserted her. She has been my go to person if I ever needed to talk or vent. You know, even though I'm married, I still know what it feels like to be single and wishing and praying that someone would sweep me off my feet. However, I NEVER thought that married, engaged & individuals who were in serious relationships were idiots with no brains... I was VERY much jealous, and thinking "Why not me?" I just don't understand what could go through someone's head to think something like that. UGH. Vent over. Good night.


Walk a mile in their shoes....

My brother and I were listening to an old mix cd I had in my car from high school today, and we came across this song. Now, it does have some vulgar language and such, BUT what the artist was trying to get across was that you shouldn't judge someone before you get to know them. Whether it be a homeless man begging for change, a girl choosing abortion over life because she has nowhere else to turn.... or following a lifestyle you've always known. How dare we judge someone when we've never walked a mile in their shoes.... like the artist says, Then you might know what it's like....

What It's Like by Everlast
We've all seen the man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full of mange
He asks a man for what he could spare, with shame in his eyes
"Get a job you f'n slob," is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues

Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Yeah then you really might know what's it like
To have the blues

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return her calls
And she swear, "God, if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls."
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose

Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Yeah then you really might know what's it like
To have the blues

I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times before I broke their heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max who used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late he liked to get s***-faced and keep the pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big old fight and Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
You know it comes that way at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news '
Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose

Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Yeah then you really might know what's it like
To have the blues


Mad at the World

So I'm just having one of those days. I want to scream and cuss and yell at the world... not that I would ofcourse, but I really feel like doing it. Let's just say I also feel like having a pity party! UGH! My husband is being very self centered today, he claims he needs his space today..... even though he has plenty of time to himself now that we're living at my parents!!! But ofcourse on the day we're both off, he wants to do everything by himself while I cry because I just wanted to spend the day with him. We don't get days where we have the entire house to ourselves when we're both off often, but all he wants to do is play video games. I HATE video games. So again. It's just been one of those days. I feel like crap. My hubby is being a little bit of turd, and I need a punching bag.... grr.



Tonight was my first night back at the childcare I work for every summer. We had one little boy tonight, and he was absolutely precious. His name is True, no kidding, and he just turned 2. He was very very bashful (reminded me of my amazingly bashful hubby... bahahaha) but he apparently really liked me. He let me take him from his daddy and take him down to our enclosed park. He only wanted to swing, so we swang for a while and he had his head down (being bashful) and all of a sudden BAM! His head was back and he was OUT COLD... snoozing. So I picked him up expecting him to start screaming, but instead he just clung onto me and went back to sleep. So I took him in and laid him down and he slept for about an hour. When he woke up he was freaked out but once I got ahold of him and he could cling onto my shirt he was fine. My supervisor's son, Dow, helped me get out the cardboard blocks (you know those blocks you had when you were little made out of cardboard in reds, greens & yellows with brick imprinted on them?)and make towers out of them.

Unlike the tower in the picture, we just stacked them in one tall tower and True was terribly excited about knocking them down! So for the last 15 minutes he was there we finally got giggles and smiles out of him. He was an awesome kid, and I can't wait to see him tomorrow.... despite the tears, slobber and boogers inbedded in the left shoulder of my tshirt.... I love childcare :-D