These past few weeks I have really been diving into what kind of mother God wants me to be, who I want to be as a parent, and who my children NEED me to be as a mommy. With the dawn of Pinterest, Facebook, and more... it's hard to not sit and compare yourself to other moms out in the world. I'm never going to be the mom who has a perfect well-kept house, or has dinner fixed from scratch every night, or makes all these cool and amazing homemade clothing and toys. I'm not going to be the mother who never raises her voice or makes mistakes when it comes to discipline, and I can guarantee I will never be the mother who is showered, dressed, and has her hair fixed every day.
What I can promise.... is that my children are loved. They will never question whether or not I love them, ever. I can promise that they will have grand adventures, even if those adventures are only in our backyard. They will be allowed to make messes, get their hands dirty, splash water, run through the yard in their bare feet... they will be allowed to be just what they are. Children.
I have to talk myself down from a cliff everyday. I won't lie... I am a perfectionist, a perfectionist with a little OCD. Not a good combination in my opinion. I WANT my house to be perfect. I WANT my children to be clean and dressed ALL the time. I want control. I want things to go MY way. But that's just NOT how life goes. My laundry totes may always be full of dirty laundry, my sink may always have dirty dishes in it... there may be dust on every surface (even though I do dust daily!). I am not perfect. It's OK to have toys scattered, it's OK to play in the mud. It's OK to dump all the pillows and blankets in the floor and have a slumber party. Why? Because my kids are having fun... and I want to live in those moments and not be held down by cleaning and organizing and perfectionism.
I am an un-perfect mother. But for my children, for what they need and desire, for when they want to play and cuddle and go a little crazy... I can be that mommy. When my daughter wants to play tea party, we'll have a tea party. When my daughter wants to sit and snuggle, then we'll snuggle. When my son wants to nurse for hours on end... I will sit and nurse him to his heart's content. These precious babies of mine... they won't be babies forever, and I am determined to look past my messy house and my piles of laundry and savor these moments with them. Someday Boogie will no longer want to climb into my lap and put her hands on my cheeks and tell me she loves me. She will no longer ask to be princesses and ballerinas. Someday she won't be willing to hug my neck and dance with me. Someday Bubby will no longer desire mommy milk or to nap in my arms. Someday he won't need me like he needs me now. So today... my house is a mess, the laundry is piling up, and I admit it's driving me bananas.... but I'm going to look past it and do what I do best. Love my children.