Freak Outs & Disappointments

I've gotten really slack with this whole blogging thing lately..... oops! LOL This has been a crazy past few weeks. If you read my blogs, then you know that we've been staying at my parents until we can get things figured out. I'm looking for a FT job that can turn into a PT job when school starts (very tough) and have enrolled at AB Tech in their social services program. Basically I plan on getting that degree and then finding a job and going to Mars Hill for the Adult Access Program in Elementary Education. I'm pretty stoked about that so yay!

Anyways, these last few weeks have been rather stressful. Let me explain a little background first. Before Justin and I moved we had started trying to conceive, and once we got settled down we started trying again.... but obviously things went from great to horrible and we ended up back in NC and at our parents' houses.... so that put a damper on TTC. Well these past few weeks I REALLY thought I was pregnant. I had heartburn, sore breasts, sore throat, nausea (I even got sick a few times), wierd cramping, headaches and a CRAZY nosebleed..... I DO NOT get nosebleeds! My cycle has finally evened out and is usually a 30 day cycle, making today CD 34 and so I was 4 days late. Monday I got a negative on a test and then dear aunt flo showed her face today! I was relieved, excited and bummed all at the same time. Needless to say, right now we are not really in the position to care for a child, but I also want NOTHING more than to be a mommy! Justin was even really excited, and we had long talks about being parents and what we would do if I really was. Now that my menstrual has started, I can't believe how upset I've been today. It took everything I had to not burst into tears at Walmart today, we saw over 6 pregnant women there.... and thats hard. We had talked about a future baby so much that Cooper Liam & Olivia Grace seemed like real babies. I'm trying to accept that God just didn't think we were ready.... but it still stinks.

ps. And what makes it worse is that 3 times today I heard the following, "Why haven't you and Justin started making babies yet?" and "I bet that you are infertile since you haven't gotten pregnant after 2 years of marriage" and "You've been married 2 years and you don't have any kids?"

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