Praise You in This Storm

So this week has been rough... well who am I kidding? This YEAR has been rough! So I've been down in the dumps and ofcourse feeling sorry for myself. And then I hear this song...






It's like POW! In your face Sarah! I will praise you in this storm... and that's what I should be doing, so last night I did. I even made a video of myself singing (but I will NOT be posting it... because when I start REALLY singing and feeling it... I look CRAZY!). So here I am. Letting everything go.

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to Youand raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

God is in Control Sarah!

I have constantly struggled with fully relying on Christ from day 1. I am a control freak. There I admitted it. I like things to go MY way, and if they don't go my way, I totally freak. (Just ask my husband! LOL) I am working on finding a way to remind myself to let things go and let God handle it. Something I have thought about a lot is getting a tattoo on my wrist, obviously at the moment I can't afford one, so it's out of the question, but it's still something I think about. Don't you ever feel like you need a constant reminder that says to you, "Remember GOD is in control."? I thought about getting some sort of bracelet or ring that could remind me, but I have just never gotten around to it. I'm struggling with contentment, I'm struggling with letting go of control, and I'm struggling with listening to God's call for me. I feel like my life is a constant back and forth pattern where I am constantly changing my mind because I think I'm doing what God's asking, but then I'm thinking maybe that's not what He meant? I'm trying whole heartedly (is that a word?) to listen to Him, and find His words for me... but it is so hard! Another thing I am really struggling with is comparing my life to those around me... I have to stop doing that. My life is grand, I have an amazing husband, precious puppies who I adore, a roof over my head and food in my pantry... yes there are things missing from my life that I still want more than anything, but I have to keep telling myself that for now, I am content. I need to be content. God is in control. Perhaps I should just go find a permanent marker and right God is in control on my wrist.... maybe more pondering from me later.

Sick

My entire body is aching, my head is pounding, my nose is running, my throat is swollen from coughing, I'm cold and sweaty and I'm so dizzy I literally crawled to the kitchen to get some water this morning. I have been like this since Saturday afternoon. I started feeling "odd" Saturday morning. Luckily I'm on Fall Break until Wednesday... unluckily I have a lot of assignments due on Wednesday that I haven't even been able to start on due to this illness. I am currently laying on the couch watching the news... I've got about 5 blankets on me and I am still shivering... Mudgett is curled around my head and Snickers is wrapped around my feet. I'm so over this. UGH.

Way Overwhelmed

I wish things could be easier... just for even a week. I need a job yesterday. Yes, I have had many many interviews, I even got offered a few positions... but what good is a job if I'm driving across the county and only working enough hours to pay for the gas to get to that job and home? Or what good is a job that requires you sell credit cards to earn your hours... that is so unreliable! I put in two resumes/applications in the past week. One application was for Aldi, they pay REALLY well. The other I sent my resume to was for a church about 45 minutes from here for a position that consists of helping with the youth, worship and administrative duties. I'd love either job. I called Aldi this morning, and apparently they are still taking apps and not ready to call anyone just yet. I have gotten several emails from the pastor at the church, but they are all emails with additional questions about my work experience and history. I am so frustrated, overwhelmed and exhausted with applying for jobs. And honestly life is just pissing me off right now. I love my husband. He is GREAT. But I don't think he understands how much work I'm putting into school right now. Going to school is a full time job with overtime. If you add up the hours I am in class with the hours I am studying and doing homework... on average I'm working almost 60 hours a week. NO KIDDING. I was a little alarmed with that number when I added it up! And I have to get a PT job. I have told my husband over and over, please keep looking for a PT job in case I can't find one... and obviously I haven't found one yet. But apparently it would be too much for him to work 2 jobs... but its NOT too much for me to do my 60 hrs of school AND work a PT job? I'm sorry but I think that's a little backwards. I know he blames me for the situation we're in. He says it's not my fault, but I know that he still blames me. I'm the one that took the job in TN, I'm the one that got laid off, and I'm the one who has yet to find a job. My decision to go back to school was a long thought out plan, I prayed about it and talked with my friends and family about it... and I came to the final decision to go back to school to make a better life for my husband and I... and our future family. But I don't think Justin realizes that I can't just breeze through school and get my degree. I have to work my butt off! I am so tired of everything that is going on right now. There are some days when I just want to throw up my hands and say "I quit!" to school, to church, to all the things I have commited myself too. Today is just one of those days that I want to quit... and give up. Days like today are days when I feel like God is testing me... and frankly I hate it. I'm ready for a new life. I'm tired of looking at other people's lives and saying "Why not me?" Why can't we get out of this rut? Why can't we get out of this hole we have dug for ourselves? I have cried out for my Lord so many times, and even though I know He hears me... it doesn't feel like He's listening. I need a day of good things. Why does earth have to be so crappy? Days like today I want to grab Eve and slap her a few good times. I'm just ready for some changes. I'm thankful we have a roof over our heads and that we have food to eat... but I'm just hoping we continue to have those things.
Also, two days from now would have been my Papaw's 84th birthday... I miss you Papaw, Happy Birthday!

Beyond Aggravated

Alright. If you don't want to listen to my venting then STOP reading now. I have volunteered my time... well technically I'm getting paid, but the it's not enough to really even show WHAT I have to do when I volunteer. I can't go into much detail, but I can say that it is a bible study for children (fun right?) during another kind of bible study for the parents and other adults. I really enjoy working with these kids (atleast most of the time... there are teenagers also, so that makes it a little more difficult), but we have started a new lesson plan. The lesson plan is GREAT, it really is, I like it, and I think the KIDS will like it. Notice I said kids. But I don't just have kids in this group, I have a toddler, elementary KIDS and preteens and teens. So. This program, like I said is great for kids, the preteens and teens will most definately turn their noses up to it... I say this because I know that at their age I would have turned my nose up. So I decided I would revamp it a bit for the teenagers, use the leader guide as literally a guide but make the lesson appropriate for all ages and change up the schedule a bit to fit the kids I take care of. But oh no. I can't do that. The head hancho (sp?) said that by using this program it HAS to be followed step by step, no going over the boundaries... zippo zadda. zip. I asked for a budget... ERRR. not granted. So what am I supposed to do then? Isn't the whole POINT to get all the kids psyched and involved with the program? To be excited about serving and learning about the Lord? Isn't that the purpose? I'm sorry, but with ANY lesson plan, sometimes they just don't work for all children, and this is one of those cases. What the crap am I supposed to do? Now with that said, I really respect this head hancho person. I have known this person my ENTIRE life. But really?

Let me give an example as to what I wanted to change for THIS week. Each night is scheduled in 15-40 min increments, one of the 30 min increments is center time. I only have 10 kids that show up, and they all rarely show up every week. There are about 6 that show up almost every week. Centers (3 centers to be exact) is to much for a small group...and to be honest some of the centers are TOO advanced for the younger ones, and too juvenile for the older ones. So I thought, well I wanted to incorporate a "food craft" because what kid doesn't like playing with their food? So instead of the centers the program offers I decided to do "mud". What is mud? Chocolate pudding, crushed oreos, gummy worms and preferably make it all SUGAR FREE. I got a definite no to this. And frankly, I almost want to bring lots of sugary things and let this head hancho person deal with the children for one night and see if he can get everyone hyped up and loving the lesson plan.

Let's just say I really hope I get a job soon that requires me to work evenings... then I really will say sayanara!

Welcome to My Life

So this place that we're fixing up. I'm seriously about to throw my hands up and say FORGET IT! I'm DONE! I can't ofcourse, because we have practically invested ALL of the money I got back from school into it. Mhmm. Wasn't expecting to do that, but we did. It was in a lot worse shape than we thought... and then ofcourse when the landlord comes to see it... we've done too much work? I'm sure he thinks we're going to pass all the receipts to him, and we're not. So UGH! We are fixing it up for OUR benefit. It was GROSS before, it's getting better now. I'm just tired of it really. I'm tired of being in my mother's house and her continually telling me how much she wants us to leave, she doesn't say it straight out, but obviously she doesn't have too!

On a brighter note, Mudgett is here :-D I love him! He's a hoot... hyper active... exhausting.... and I LOVE him! Snickers is having a hard time, but she's getting better!

Also, I just have a lot going on right now, and I could use some prayers. Prayers are ALWAYS good! So here's to hoping this month was worth it!

Ups & Downs

Well... today has been both good and bad. BLAH. How about the exciting news first?

Mudgett is ours! All we have to do is "meet" him, and ofcourse pay the adoption fee... and then we get to take him home! YAY! I'm SOOOOOOO excited :-D

On a sadder note... after 4 years of NEVER EVER getting pulled over or ANYTHING... I get pulled over for a headlight that was out. Really? I mean really? I JUST had my car inspected, wth? I freaked ofcourse, the area I got pulled over at is notorious for pulling over speeders, so I was FREAKING out... because I KNEW I wasn't speeding. And to beat it all, the stupid policeman was LAUGHING at me. He only gave me a warning, but it doesn't mean he didn't make my heart race faster than a racehorse. UGH. I also have to figure out HOW I'm going to replace my light within 3 days... especially considering I am flat broke.

I want Mudgett now :(

Puppies, Painting and Problems

Mudgett is his name. And I want him to be MINE! We filled out the paperwork yesterday, and they are just waiting to hear from Snicker's vet to confirm we are responsible "parents"... and then he's ours! Woo Woo! Snickers will be a big sister! Yay! He's a mutt to be honest... he is a beagle, dachshund, chihuahua, pug mix.... what a mouthful! Let's call him a... Deagle Chug. So we have a Doodle & a Deagle Chug :-D (Snickers is a Dachshund/Poodle mix).

So other than that exciting news, we have begun our journey of "remodeling" our trailer. Ann & Eddie (our landlords) are letting us do whatever we want to the trailer... so these are our plans ::cue dramatic music::. We have been painting A LOT. The kitchen, living room and hall are a really really light blue, really brightens the place up. And the bedrooms will be a creamy vanilla whitish color? It matches my bedspread, lol. We are getting vinyl squares that look like dark stone for the bathroom and kitchen, and tomorrow we are going to a few places to get prices on carpet and installation. We are going to paint the kitchen cabinents white, and we are replacing all the yucky black light switches and sockets with pretty new whites ones, hahah! We are also planning a few other things, but we haven't really decided about those yet... so that will be another blog on another day.

We do have a problem though. A mouse. I'm not afraid of mice... but I don't want mice in my house. I was changing clothes in the bathroom today, and as I was putting on my shorts the mouse ran right under my legs..... holy freakn crap. Scared the CRAP out of me! That's the only thing I don't like about mice... they come out when you least expect them too! AH! So he's under the washer somewhere... I have to figure out who this fella got in so we don't have anymore of them. I told Justin that we HAVE to catch him and let him free outside... FAR from our house... I DO NOT kill animals, no matter if it's a tiny mouse or a deer. Not happening, sorry! He's a defenseless animal just trying to survive... no need to harm him, lol. Although, I'm sure I might have given him a heart attack when I yelled... ugh. So yea. That's our main dilemma right now. Anyone have any ideas of how we could humanely catch our little mouse friend?

Insomnia

It's 2am... and I have to be up in 5 hrs to get ready for school (and stop at the grocery store for cough medicine... ick). I am exhausted, but I think I'm so exhausted that I can't go to sleep, and frankly that STINKS! Our new home (well new to us) is slowly coming together. Justin mowed and weedeated today, and that made a huge difference, but he's going to pressure wash the exterior walls to get some grime off of them, yuck. Tomorrow, we start painting. Mom helped us pick out the paint, we got a creamy whitish kind of color for our room - my bedspread is a vintage lacey looking comforter in black and creamy whitish vanillaish.... I don't know what it's called, ha! The living room/kitchen/dining room/hall/office will be a light light blue, it's almost white it's so light, but it's bright and cheerful! If the place wasn't so mall I would have picked BLAM! in your face kind of colors, because I like BLAM! in your face colors... like red, yellow, navy blue, yea. But it IS small, and we need it to not feel so small, lol!

In other news, my amazing friend found out she is have twin boys today... yay :-) They have one diva and 2 boys already... but as I said before... 1 diva (or pouty princess) is enough! Ha! I'm excited to meet their precious little ones, what a blessing! Justin and I have been talking A LOT about babies, especially since Janelle got pregnant. We talk about names, how we would decorate their rooms, etc. These are the names we like (for 4 kids.... are we crazy? ha!). For the boys, we like: Cooper Liam - we just like both of those names, Gibson Frank - the first name is a brand of a guitar that I LOOOOOOOVE and Frank is my paternal grandfather's name, Finley "Finn" Joseph - Finn is a name I fell in love with in Montreat and Joseph is my dad's name, and Elias Noble - Elias is just a great name, it's similar to Elijah in the bible and Noble is my mother's maiden name but we also wanted to name one son after my maternal grandfather... but Stephen and Kiesling aren't our favorites, ha! For girls we like Olivia Grace - beautiful names, Chloe Elisabeth - J just loves Chloe for a girl, and Elisabeth is my paternal grandmother's middle name but with an S instead of a Z, Isla Hope - pronounced EE-Luh is a name I love, a girl I babysat had this name and I just loved it and I also love Hope, Lillian Ann - Lillian is my maternal grandma's first name and Ann is a shortened version of WillAnn, which is Justin's maternal grandmother's name. Yea.... we talk about that a lot, lol! We also decided that for our first child, if we have a boy we want to decorate the nursery with sailboats and light houses! If we have a girl for our first child, we want to decorate with polka dots of bright pink and green. So pretty much, we have NO life.

Anyways, I think now that I have typed about absolute random nonsense, I'll try to lay down and go back to sleep.

Goodnight!


"The time has come," the walrus said, "To talk of other things, of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, of cabagges and kings, and while the see is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings."

Content

For the first time in months... I am totally content. What a wonderful feeling! We have a house. Well, it's a trailer... but it's ours to fix up as we please! It's in rough shape, but we can paint, put new floors down, anything we want to do! The couple that owns the place are friends of the family, a coworker of moms & fellow churchmembers... and they ROCK. Anything we do to the house will come out of our rent, so if we put 150 in, we pay 150 less on our rent. We don't have to pay ANYTHING until november 1 because of how much work we have to put into it... and I am so excited! We're hoping to get some paint tomorrow, and possibly some hardware for the kitchen cabinents and some of the drawers in the smaller bedroom... after that we want to get new linoleum for the kitchen & bathroom and possibly find some long rugs to put in the hallway! Once everything is fixed up we're going to have a cookout... and JANELLE you and your children are invited for smores & a campout :-D. (Miss Joyann has been bugging me for WEEKS about a campout!) That's really all for now, I'm sure at some point I'll post pictures of our progress... but it's pretty icky right now. So maybe no pictures until we're done! HA!