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5.30.2008

Stuck Between a Rock & a Hard Place...

As you know, I recently started working at a childcare at a local conference center on evenings and weekends. I LOVE this job, I loved it last year, and I love it even MORE this year. I just love being with kids, they are amazing! Well, last night I worked with the day supervisor who also worked with me last year and she said they have an opening for the day shift! She said that we could sit down with the Director of the Conference Center and see if we could work it out where I'd be getting paid what I was paid last year, which would be the equivalent of what I'm getting paid at the law firm. But I wouldn't be able to work the evening shift, and I'd have to quit my job at the law firm. My husband doens't like that idea so much, and he said it worries him that if for some reason we don't move (which will NOT happen... we ARE moving) that I won't have a job when the summer is over. He has a point, but you also have to understand that my husband can be somewhat of a pessimist... so he has to think about all the negatives and what if.... where I'm an optimist (most of the time) where I think... I'll be happier, I'll be making the same amount of money, I can find another second job to save money.... and AGAIN, I'll be HAPPIER. I'm stuck. What should I do, go along with my husband and sit at this desk for the next 2 months being miserable... or start back at the childcare during the day running around with crazy children, getting dirty in the sandbox and changing stinky diapers? I vote for stinky diapers! HAHA!

I have a feeling that I will end up staying at the law firm, because I want my husband to be happy and I don't want him to worry himself to death. He gets so worried sometimes he makes himself sick. Ugh... I hate that hard place.

Onto other things...

I have been having a hard time lately with some things that I can't completely discuss on here... but I think I can say some without saying too much. Justin and I are on a journey... an adventure of sorts that is grueling, heartbreaking and one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Everyday is basically a waiting game, and every day, week and month that goes by makes me wonder if some of the things we dream about will ever happen. I see so many people on this same journey who seem to have things just dropped at their feet. It doesn't matter that they can't afford this journey, or that they may not be capable.... it just happens to be their time I guess. I'm tired, I'm frustrated... I just don't know what to do anymore! I want this, but God keeps saying... not yet.... not yet. Makes me want to argue with Him... but I know that won't do me any good. ::sigh::

I've also been thinking a lot about a friend of mine who is taking on a different kind of journey. This friend is frustrating me though, because it seems like she wants to get to the end of this journey so fast, but she's not doing what she needs to do to get there. She's using up her "supplies" I guess you could say, and by the time she embarks on her journey, there won't be any supplies left... and she'll have to start back at square one. But how do I tell her this? How do I tell her that she needs to slow down without her thinking that I'm attacking her and think I know better than her?

Life can just be frustrating sometimes... I keep listening to this song that one of my closest friends shared with me. (She knows me VERY well, she knew I'd love this song... well she was right!) It's called Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser. She sings, "When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in you.. still standing. When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through... I'll be found in you." That just speaks to me! I could be at my wit's end.... or be depressed and thinking I've got nowhere else to go.... but that's when I find myself in HIM. HE is always there for me through whatever heartache or troubles bother me... He is there.

A lesson learned...

This month has been hard on us financially... Snickers got sick and that cost a pretty penny... and with gas rising with no sign of slowing down... it seems like we never have money anymore! Well we were blessed this week. Our neigbor (who just so happens to be my supervisor at childcare) is a single mom with a son in 6th grade. Like me, he plays the alto sax in the school band. His mom was burdened last week, because she couldn't afford to rent his instrument any longer, so he was going to have to quit band. I sold her my saxophone... not for much, I would have given it to her for free, but she wouldn't take it. My mom will probably blow a gasket when she finds out how much I sold it for... but there was a need and I met it. I don't play it anymore, although I probably should have... but this boy needed it more than I did... and what if he ends up pursuing music? Maybe I created a stepping stone for him! He was SO excited, and I felt so good about doing something for him and his mom. So not only did they receive a blessing, but that helped Justin I out financially...

Then I found out yesterday I will be getting paid from the childcare today... :) That made me very happy! LOL

"Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations."
-Psalm 100

1 comment:

Janelle said...

Wow! You had a lot to say. I am praying for you girl. Keep smiling and know that the "joy of the Lord is your strength". Thanks for encouraging us all with your blogs.