I am completely stressed and frustrated lately... I'm not even sure how I'm staying together at this point! Last night I was looking over what classes I would need next semester in order to graduate, I only have FOUR classes left... which would be perfect, except THREE need to be science. Yea, science. My LEAST favorite subject, and there's NO way I could take 3 in one semester. I also have to take a literature class, which is ONLY offered on campus, along with two our of three of those science classes. So now, I have to figure out how I'm going to do that. I'm OK with leaving Boogie at home with J... but it's the in between time I'm worried about. We are a one car family, I'd have to have a babysitter for 30 minutes to an hour between the time where I would go to school and J would get off. Ugh! I may have to take random classes next semester that will go towards my future degree, and take more classes next Fall. I'm BEYOND annoyed at this point. I'm so ready to be DONE.

Then you have J's exam... we were hoping to pay for his certifying exam this fall so he could take it in the Spring... well after getting the clothing we needed for Boogie and paying bills... we can't afford it. Not only that, but he needs time to study for his final exam for the course first, and I don't think that's going to happen before we would need to pay for his other exam. So now we have to wait until next Fall. It's not a big deal really, but I know he wants to get it over with and we both want to move on with our lives and see what life has in store for us.

On top of all that, in the past few weeks I've learned and remembered why I stick to the friends I know well. After a while people start showing their true colors, and it ends up being that I don't want to be around them or my daughter around them. It SUCKS. I'm thankful to have two friends in this area that I can talk to, even if we're all to busy to hang out... I'm still blessed to have them in my lives. Poor Janelle has been swamped for the past month with sick kiddos, seems like every time one gets better another one gets sick! I love you friend! We will see each other eventually lol! Christa's life is crazy hectic... but we talk constantly, so even though I don't SEE her, I still know I have someone to talk to when I'm cooped up in this house! I also have a group of "virtual" friends that I've known since J and I started TTC... so for almost four years I've had a group of women to go to for just about anything! It's wonderful, because even though our group is diverse and different, we can have civil conversations about any topic and nobody gets upset or starts a bunch of drama because they don't agree on something. It's WONDERFUL.

I guess to sum it all up... I'm feeling sorry for myself today! It happens... you know? I'm just tired of feeling like I'm working my tail off to find more disappointment when it comes to school... I'm tired of thinking I have new mommy friends when really they aren't who they make themselves out to be.... and I'm tired of being stuck in this house ALL the freaking time! Did I mention that there have been rabid foxes spotted here? Not super close to our apartment, but it's still keeping me from taking Boogie for walks... I'd love to walk to the library, or down to the school to see mom with her, but that's not happening anytime soon! Ay yi yi! Ok... vent over. Sorry to anyone who just read all of that nonsense!

1 comment:

Heather said...

Sorry you are feeling a bit down today, it happens, especially stuck at home. (We too are a one car family!) I think 3 science classes is a bit much even for a science person. It requires a lot of work. I am so sorry things aren't happening as quickly as you would like, but sometimes that is just what you need. I think we all get so caught up in the speed of the world and we just need to take our time. This time with your daughter will pass so quickly and you will regret it if you keep yourseof so busy you can't enjoy it!
As far as paying for this test:
1) Payday loan
2) Title loan
3) borrow from family
4) Advance on pay from work
5) take out a very small 401k loan

Is he really even ready? you said something about him needing time to study. Maybe waiting is what is truly best. Only you and him will know.
Take a deep breath enjoy today, then go back at it tomorrow. Take it one thing at a time. Make sure the desicion sits well with you.
Good luck and happy days!