Just the Two of Us...

Last night was mine and Elah's first night alone... daddy was asleep and resting for work today and Nene was at home sleeping and resting for school. I wasn't scared or nervous about taking care of Elah... I mean after taking care of James and Jonathan when they were itty bitty makes taking care of my daughter feel like a breeze, but I was a little worried about getting sleep to make it through today. Our biggest issue right now is that Elah absolutely hates sleeping on her back, she hates her bassinet, she's not quite big enough for the bouncy seat we have... but she LOVES to be held ofcourse. So basically, my chest is her bed. She sleeps amazingly when she's held. Up to 3 hours at a time sometimes, so I'm sucking it up and letting her sleep because it means that I actually get some good sleep too. I've been sleeping on the couch with her because one, it allows Justin a full nights sleep without being woken up by our crying baby, two, it's easier to prop myself up on the arm of the couch then it is against the wall behind our bed (we don't have a headboard), and three, everything I need is right where I need it. However, our couch is not that comfortable, and my back is definately paying for it. My father in law has this huge cushy armchair that I just love... and then they have another blue armchair... so we asked if we could borrow the second chair in hopes that I might sleep more comfortably with Elah on my chest. Well, Poppa Grey is allowing us to borrow his beloved giant cushy armchair for about a month until we can afford to buy a huge chair of our own. Thank you Poppa Grey!

Anyways, last night went pretty well. Elah was up about every 2-3 hours, I changed her diaper, fed her, and went back to sleep each time until J got up for work. After that I stayed up for a couple of hours and then took a cat nap later that morning. I must say that I feel very well rested for having gotten up so many times last night. I don't feel like I'm going to crash the way I did after coming home from the hospital! The rest of the morning was pretty much routine like our night was, then we went with Nene and Papaw to have Elah's bilirubin levels tested again, and we should find out those levels tomorrow morning sometime. We took our first mini outing to get breastpads... LOL. I breastfed in 'public' for the first time... kind of. I was in the car, but it was difficult with a blanket... I really need to invest in a cover! Now we're home, J got some quality daddy/daughter time while I took a HOT shower to ease my back pain, and now Elah is asleep on my chest as I type this blog.

A lot of people told me not to wish Elah was here before my due date, to just let her grow and enjoy my time without a child... that there would be nights when I would want her back in my belly... that there would be days I would desperately want a break. No offense to any of those people, but they were so totally wrong. Despite the lack of a full uninterrupted nights sleep, no time for myself, and being cooped up in the house, I wouldn't trade this for anything. Years of TTC, months of negative test after test, and dreaming of holding a son or daughter in my arms... nothing can compare to the joy and love I feel with my Elah in my arms. Her cries are a miracle, her sleepy smiles are a miracle, even her poopy diapers are a miracle. I am blessed. I cry because I'm unbelievably happy and rejoicing in the life I am living now. I was made for this.